It is not new that movies and books stimulate a certain thought process, something specific and profound. For me it is just the movies because I don’t read at all, and the movie in question is Almost Famous. There is a particular scene wherein the characters in the movie are flying to the next concert destination and come into rough weather. Almost believing that they won’t be able to make it, each starts to articulate his/her last words quite bluntly, almost to the brink of it being a blasphemy in the book on social conduct.
Now, the thought that followed the hilarious rendition of “What I feel about each of you in this plane where I am dying” was something like this. If we knew that today was the last day of our lives, will we be the same? All of us look forward to change, but a drastic one at it just alters and accentuates everything we do or feel. Specifically in case of being in our death beds, what are the things that we would say…to the world, to our world or to people who just happen to meet the same morbid fate that we are destined to.
When I talk of myself (because this is how it always is), I imagine three situations: one being in the plane, one getting a whole day, with the will to go anywhere and to anyone and one having the world to hear me. First of all I will absolutely make sure I am dying and there is no way I am going to get lucky (?). Because frankly there are so many things I want to owe up to and so many secrets in the closet (the key to which even my closest friends don’t have), that if by chance I survive that fate I will have to kill myself anyway. I will be like the drummer (in almost famous) who screams “I am gay”, and the plane gets past the rough weather that very minute and they survive (I am not saying I am gay here for the record). He wishes the plane would have plunged and killed all of them. It is like someone you really believed in, cheated on you.
Back to the plane. Keeping in mind that this could easily come to the notice of people who I hate and who irritate the crap out of me, I will tell them that instant that they do. I will probably not tell the people I love that I love them because that’s understood (and I have very less time to articulate my thoughts the last time). I will talk of the things that I wanted to do and want to do because sometimes I don’t word quite what I desire. It can be completely contrasting at times. And I will probably say that I don’t care where these people go from here but I want heaven.
In case of a whole day I guess half of it will be spent in indifference. Some part of the first half will be spent in telling the people I love that times up folks and I will invite a selective few to my house to have the last talk (now this is to my friends: please don’t ask me if you are in this list, because my answer to you is going to be I am not dying today). Now what I will say or do with them is subject to just one thing: me dying.
In case I get to address the whole world and they are made to listen to me, I will sing. Just sing and hope I die before the tiredness shows in my voice. I will sing my songs with everyone and just my songs, as well.
The things typed in above are nothing but a rough description of my last day on earth. Maybe my last words will be nothing but I hate yogurt or perhaps something profound like I lived…but whatever they are I don’t know now, because I don’t know if today’s my last day. None of us would be able to answer the above question anyway till they really know. But hypothetically this question just reminds us of our dark secrets and it reminds us of the consequences to live with them when you no longer burry them and instead voice them. How would it be like to live after you say “I am gay”. Death can be quite liberating it seems. For now, today, my secrets remain with me and not for anyone’s ears, till say…death do us apart.
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