How old did I get?

A lively discussion over coffee and a wicked brownie yesterday brought this question up….how old are we?

Logically 24...but then when did I start to feel the change? When did the days of throwing tantrums go…or the ones when I sought to be constantly pampered and no one dared to tell me “grow up”. When did I stop looking at cute guys and started getting attracted to the smart ones, when did I start getting offended at men being chivalrous in an obvious way and when did I start to use the sentence “You need to think now” from “You need to chill”

When you qualify for being young, you don’t seek answers for a lot of things and settle for what you get. You know you are getting old when you start to re question everything, scrutinize it for its existence, justify your stand and then spend your time contradicting the justified point. “Old” is associated to being less strong, more lethargic…I guess this is where the energy is spent.

Spending hours on the phone with my boyfriend was a common practice then but now I would feel guilty of doing the same. It would make me think that “Man, do I really not have anything better to do?” Infact the very term, boyfriend, sounds like a sugar coated bubblegum romance threw up on me, and I think I should be more “mature”. Sitting idle in front of my computer since the past two days and doing nothing but whiling my time on Gtalk and listening to music has irritated me to the core. I look for work because I feel wasted. The constant need to make something out of what I call life is always there. I don’t know what I want really, because I am in the process of contradicting the many justified points in my life.

Friends were always there. Our fights were all about who calls and who doesn’t, well most of them. Now its understood if you cant call, if you don’t pick up the phone out of sheer laziness after a days work, if you think that they should understand and you don’t need to explain and if they ask for an explanation you can tell them to grow up and they buy it.

The other day a guy was hitting on me in office, which is a common practice for people “our” age in office. And all I could think was does he not know that he’s much older than I am. He is 29. A Mcdonalds or a Whimpy’s isn’t good enough anymore for a date, if it is, you are either ‘chilled out’ or a ‘cheap skate’. A weekend is more to laze, a silence holds more meanings (because you don’t have to waste the energy on talking), a hug or I love you is a rarity and when said and done, special. A day that would comprise having roadside food, getting sloshed and sitting at marine drive for hours in the rain would be “feeling young”. How old am I? well at least now I know why they say…”You are 24 years OLD”

The Empty Rooms...

The empty rooms

A hollow room with open doors and the yellow piercing through
A comforting arm it seeks to reflect, searches for something new
The darkness engulfs, the loneliness screams, a silent player amidst
A secret it holds, a question it answers….waiting to unfold the fist

A house for the old, perhaps a playhouse, a dungeon to a killer in rage
Enveloping a thousand stories in the black, a thousand and one mysteries staged
In a fleeting glimpse I see them in motion, moving as fast as the train
A caged thriller beneath the scarlet clouds and wetted by the rain

A whisper in the lurk, an echo resonates, and I hear myself over
Many a life breathes in it, a fly in the web hovers
The leaf crumbles with my step and silence breaks, silence screams
Within the chambers, careful steps and I feel life bleeds

I concoct a tale of the knight in armor, a few horses put in
Imagination runs all directions and the world is set for a spin
A gulp I feel, a lump in the throat and the heart skips a beat
Far into the room I realize it’s time for me to retreat

The empty room calls me back and I turn around to see
The many knights who fought for it, the many kids it set free
And I walk back with a smile on my face and a thought to sell
Silence is golden for I learn; the empty rooms have a lot to tell

We Shall Dance...

The clouds in the sky drawing a picture
The winds humming our favorite song
With the waves in chorus or perhaps a harmony
We shall dance, all night long

The endless diamond sky, the moon overhead
Shinning and sparkling, mirrored by the blue
Our heaven below and his above
We shall dance, to songs plenty not few

And I will listen to your heart beat closely
And I will look into your deep brown eyes
The me I love, they will reflect
We shall dance and the time will fly

As you will take my hand into yours
My face will bear the tilted sky
A moment so quiet but plenty said
We shall dance, just you and I

The candle may blow out in the wind
The moon hiding behind the black
But the music shall go on forever
We shall dance, the moon will shine back

You orchestrate a choir singing my song
And I word it effortlessly and soon
A starry night will be blessed with it
Someday, we shall dance to our tune….