Living the past in a moment....

A freshly brewed morning coffee with cookies and a hearty breakfast follows. The sun is high but so is my spirit. Back in Mumbai and its perfect coz the trip is just for a few days. While driving down the road that I once lived in memories hit the refresh button and all I can think of are the good times I have had in the city that never sleeps.

I pretty much had a similar feeling when I went back to Delhi. The moments were diluted coz of the action at that time in my life but nevertheless it was the same feeling. When one lives a thousand memories in a moment, it is like a moment out of a movie. Hands stretched, breeze in your hair, a moment of complete silence (or a good background score).

It is an amazing feeling when you can look back at the awesome times without a slightest regret of where you are. You are just glad to be here; as you were glad you lived those moments with the people. Mumbai just helped me hit the refresh button and I will admit I needed this. I was a little averse initially coz I thought that I will start to regret the decision of moving back to the city I call home. But I didn’t, and what was great was the fact that I loved every second of my time back in the place where I significantly grew up (I mean mentally). Meeting people after a long time not only made me think of the times I had with them but also made me realize that I like them even more now. Was it the distance? The small shelf life they come with? Or both?

Another day and another evening to go but I have made up my mind on the fact that this was way less than I wanted. I wanted a few days here with all the people I left behind. Some of them I call friends and cherish even more because I found them at a time in life when I had given up hope of making friends for real.

Mumbai left me wanting for more and this is what is awesome….

Being selfish is not vice…

One of the things that come easily to every human being is being selfish. It is uncanny that the word bears negative connotations. I remember a dialogue from how I met your mother (a sitcom on TV) where Lily (a protagonist on the show) asks Marshal “What is the nice word for selfish?” and he says “Independent”.

My rendezvous with the feeling has been since long. Recently it was on account of an experience that made me feel evil. One of my closest friends’ father was hospitalized on account of a clot in the brain, something my dad had about 4 years back. And he had a miraculous recovery. I was very happy with his recovery and finding him absolutely ok was a relief, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking- why didn’t my dad have that luck? Why did her dad survive and mine didn’t? And to be very honest I was more upset for myself than I was happy for her. Shear evil by the books right? But I guess I have made peace with it that I am “Independent”.

I guess people relate to things more easily once they make it about themselves. I have to admit that in my case it’s a wee bit much. But we honestly live in a world where hypocrisy=opinionated, ego=self respect, stupid=daring, agnostic=secular idiot=adventurous and yup selfish=independent! As we grow up we get beyond text book definitions and accommodate more meanings to every word. Our dictionary stems out of convenience. I guess convenience drives principles as well now.

I am not defending my impulsive reaction. I know somewhere I have not come in terms with my fathers’ death and mostly I was always selfish. But the “good part” is some of my biggest acts of kindness & friendliness are an outcome of this so called vice. I am nice to people because at the end of the day it makes me happy.

I think of all the power that the human mind has the power to reason is the strongest. It helps us to look at our vices and give them a practical twist. We reason to be accepted not just in others eyes but our own. I guess it helps me conclude that being selfish is really ok, as long as I can reason it.

Shine Through

I see you hiding behind the shadows, hiding in the shade,

Afraid you’d burn in the light or you’d probably fade.

When I look at you I see the many colors you hide,

That you think don’t exist but I see all of them inside.

I know that you are afraid of getting lost in the crowd,

Afraid of your voice getting drowned in the music so loud.

But amidst all that darkness you’ll see a spotlight,

That will help you shine through, help you fight.

So go on, get on that coveted stage that you love,

Gather all the applause while you stand above.

And when you think of coming down, don’t get scared,

For you made yourself heard, you atleast dared.

I know nothing makes you happier than being there,

And the light that you'll bask in, I'll hold it here.

Don't be afraid even if the light dies on you

My love I know, you will still shine through.